Rolled over to http://chawanmushihead.blogspot.com

Promise I'll blog if you visit:)

Hello friends!

Long time no see. BUT HAHAHHA PROMOS ARE OVER SO THERE I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BLOG AND SAY STUPID THINGS (like this line) HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!

Okay, moment over! I decided I should pretend for ten seconds that there is no PW or Chinese that will take up what I imagined to be a beautiful break from school work. Ah well, ten seconds are up.

I actually have much to blog about:)

Number 1: Birthday!

Gosh. Even when I think about it now, I smile to myself which I can imagine really just makes me look slightly crazy. Still, I just want to thank you all the mooncakes, robots, big paper exclaiming my egg-headness and embarrassing monster pictures. I'm blessed:)

And of course, to the clique. You guys made my birthday even more special than it already was! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO SO MUCH!!! :D I was incredibly touched, and I'm not a person who tears at nothing okay!! I was really very moved and super super happy to see all your faces again:) And thanks to all the PL-Lites who wrote a note in the card for me, consolidated by dear Dayna and Clare (I sound like I'm writing to Aunt Agony). It was so good to catch up indirectly with the homies, yo. Haha alright I think you can tell I'm a little high right now, I don't make much sense. But that's how happy you guys make me:)

:)

Number 2: Post-exam outing!

Jie Xin is a menace to fishes of the world.

We were all sitting innocently eating (as always) by the fountain in Cathay, and Jie Xin had this sudden urge to throw a piece of dry ice into the water, just for fun. With a diabolical glint in her eyes, this is exactly what she did! Oh my gosh, the fishes all darted towards the bubbling thing and haha, Jie Xin's shocked face was priceless:) And Zhi Wei and Bryan somehow managed to convince Jie Xin that the floaty fish could not swim properly because the carbon dioxide affected it or something. Alright and I kind of spoilt it all by telling her that the fish was like that all along, but for awhile Jie Xin stared at the fish with a really guily look on her face. And some lady near us was giving us the evil eye.

Gen taught me that speaking french is a good way of clearing your throat. The way she describes the way french is spoken, I don't think they ever have phlegm-y throats. Ever.

We shopped around PS (poor boys) for awhile, Shi Yun and I bought a pair of slippers and Gen posed some come hither looks for her lover:) She calls them her antm shots, I call them her "come to me, baby" shots:)

Number 3: Council Steamboat!

Steamy and very, very filling!! Table 1 was the crab table, table 2 (consisting of the more normal people) was the moutains of golden mushrooms table, and table 3 was the scream for more beef and sausages table. Oh, and also the pig intestines and liver table (Alicia la)! It was good to meet informally after promos again:) Had a pretty good time catching up with everyone.

Number 4: CS Outing!

I PWNZ YOU!

Hahaha okay so Wednesday was CS outing day with Gen, Jiex, Zhi Wei, Bryan, Samuel and Levin! Miss Soh was supposed to come, but in the end she fell sick, and Miss Zhou was completely MIA. Nevermind though, there was enough entertainment for the day!

First thing upon stepping into the dark room, I heard Gen's distinctive voice screaming and shouting like mad I tell you. And that Zhi Wei. Omg he built up some impression that I'm CS Goddess, when really I suck you can ownzzzz me anytime. I ended up shooting at Gen who was my team-mate haha!! But who knows, that may have been intentional;)

Then we played another game with hooks and rather ugly trolls. Half the time I didn't know how I died, but okay I just like throwing hooks and trudging around. I think Gen and Samuel are fated to have a girl named Pinky. I named my character after their future daughter (which is an accompanying name to their son, Frinky, btw), and the troll turned out to wear a pink cloth thing. Maybe it's a prediction to what their child will look like, eh:)

Gen and I have agreed that listening to Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence, alone in the rain can spur suicidal thoughts. It's so very much a song that pulls at your heartstrings, but it's one of my favourite piano pieces:) I used to listen to it when I felt really sad (something about being sad just makes you want to wallow even further, isn't it), or when I felt stressed. And listening to it yesterday helped me to be all nostalgic for idea for founder's day speech! Gen's addicted to it, and actually so am I:)

Oh yes, and always make sure Jiex has a tissue paper when she eats a chocolate pretzel:)

I figured out that from now on, I probably shouldn't be so enthusiastic in standing up. Pretty much digging my own grave, wasn't I? Haha okay, nevermind, anything to be entertainment for the day:D

Inline skating was pretty fun. But I've decided that Captain's Ball should firmly remain as a sport without blades:) And knee and elbow pads smell like a stale PE shirt.

Doing PW is putting me in the mood for heartache inducing songs. Time for Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence!

It's ironic how what I wish to say to you appears in your own words.

Assumptions has cost us alot. Yet there is always more. I keep quiet only because I value peace, for I know for sure what I say will be tinted with anger and biasedness. I only want to let go, yet everytime I supress everything something else comes up once more.

With so many different expectations, sometimes the line between the expectations from God and expectations from others is blurred. I'm especially prone to this, I think. I'm still slowly discovering what is it that the Lord wants me to strive to be, and I find that in many situations, people demand different things, expect various things which I cannot live up to. When this happenes, I'm hard on myself, because at times I question if the Lord is telling me something. In this situation though, I have, with the help of friends and after months of worrying, realized that this is not it. It's complex, but I pray that piece by piece I'll see what the Lord is saying to me. But I now know that I cannot live up to those expectations, because they are not for me. I shall only accept that from Him who knows me best:)

Thanks for the mooncakes, cell:) I thank God for providing me with more than a cell group, but a family of friends I can trust. Thank you:)

Yesterday I vented my vicious thoughts onto a document, and found peace in deleting it.

Today I had a whole blog post ready, but decided to put it aside.

I'm not trying to be all upright and righteous, but I really can't bring myself to hurt you the way you've hurt everyone else.

So I shan't. I've decided I will not let any good perception of you be slandered on something so public.

Because I know how I felt. Or rather, am feeling.

An eye for an eye will make the world blind. I believe God doesn't want me to become bitter and hurtful.

ANYWAY, after a seriously long hiatus from blogging, NE NE'S BAAAACKKK!!!

Hahaha alright, I bet after this my blog will be empty for a long while again. If you're reading this, dear reader, let me tell you I'm surprised:) But ah well, today my fingers have gotten a life of their own and decided they want to type!

1. Teacher's Day

OMG after days of filming pai kiah stuff and feeling really airy (shan't elaborate), plus countless dance rehearsals, it's OVER! It really was a well run event by Lin Yu and Li Ming, must say I'm proud of how they led this event:D And the way practically everyone was so enthusiastic in their dancing. Made me more open about it too:)

Dancing in sparkly pink was really a whole other experience. I thought I would be really nervous but nahhh, in the end everyone's faces were shrouded in the dark. I was more shy when people saw me outside the CC, and also when I had to be really retarded while presenting prizes. Should have used my cap to cover more of my face, really.

Went back to PL that same day. SOOOO good to see fellow 4A3 mates again!!!!! And I think Miss Poon was pleasantly surprised to see so many of us back. I've missed her so:( Although I must say that God has provided me with so many wonderful teachers, and this sounds like the most cliched thing in the world. Especially to say in relation to Teacher's Day. Really though, I'm very lucky to have such understanding and caring teachers. I'm blessed:)

And seeing the usual gang again- priceless:):):) Watched Wall-E will Carroty Joyce, that girl ah, couldn't let go of the popcorn after that.

Was watching bloopers of the videos on Wei Li's blog. OMG FUNNY THINGS!! The way Ronald and Yong Pin were screaming "You shut up!" to each other just cracked me up.

I always want to catch Gen in her unglam moments, but I just NEVER do. Today she spasmed in accordance to Rihanna's Disturbia. I can't even explain how spasm-y she looked, but let's just say it was enough to set other people laughing too. Anyway this morning was a good start, with Gen's hyperventilating. Shi Yun played it cool (or at least cooler than Gen), and her new fringe's lookin' gooooood:) Jie Xin as usual, decided to do something rather long in the loo so she was late, and this time she didn't even talk to her butt!!

Lit lesson, and after that I had lunch with Nessa at HK cafe. SO FULL. Anyway, headed down to library and did a bit of studying with Zhi Wei ( I'm telling you his hand never stops moving, it has a life of its own) and the now very dark Bryan. Had a good talk to Vanessa today, she helped me to link certain things up too:) We went for church choir rehearsal after that. A whole lot of jumping and arm flabbing involved. But like Nessa said, thanks God for giving us the opportunity to serve you in church. It's our first time:)

I hate it when cabs flash their big green signs but zoom past you after that. And today we learnt that sometimes you get what you want when you least expect it:)

OKAY I AM HAPPY BECAUSE I'M SEEING HOE KOH NEO AND CHAN VERY SOON I AM A HAPPY KID HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

And I realized I have two very extreme personalities. In council, I'm so serious, but in class I really am the most retarded person ever. Even I find it so. Hmm, must be the people around me:)

OKAY STILL HAPPY:D

I'm becoming incoherent.

Sec 4 Farewell/ PB Reunion

I've been waiting, and waiting, and waiting for this day to come. Yet as it approached I found myself wishing it was further away!! Thinking about how this could be the last time we gather as a Board really stirred this mix of fear and sadness within me.

Thank you, current batch, for making the day very special. Yes, it was good playing the games and not just organizing and watching after quite awhile:D That XH ah, forever plotting to pour water on me. First it was the feet-water, then the bucket of water. But muahaha, I'm quick. Christabel and I ran to the PB room on her first try, and on the second I stepped aside before I could get drenched. It was lots of fun, although no sharing session and buddy time!!! The effort of our juniors could definitely be seen though, from the games they planned, to reflection time, to good and to the decorations. Honestly, I think our juniors and very thoughtful, and they've touched our hearts many, many times:D

Good barbeque too:D That Sherrie Koh, everytime I turn around I see her eating. First it was the sec 2 item (sausage), then the sec 3 item (otah), then the sec 4 item (sotong). ANNDDD here's what a conversation with her is like:

Renee: YADDA YADDA YADDA...

(waits for response)

Renee: Sherrie are you listening to me)

(Sherrie stares blankly, then giggles to herself)

AAAANNNDDDD.. when I asked her to pour satay sauce over the satay (what else, right?), she poured it into my fried rice filled spoon. Not as a joke friends, she really thought I wanted it in my spoon. Sherrie lives in another world, I think!! Haha:D But I have lots of fun and laughter with her, although she incredibly mean to, eh, "bullimic" people.

Seeing everyone was the real heart-warmer. Even though you guys still call me egghead, and I always get bullied becaused I bet you're all jealous I'm tall (muahaha!) and I'm some kind of target to dump water on (Xioa Hui you lah), I HAVE MISSED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU TERRIBLY, SEC 4s of '07!! I love laughing with all of you, and being back together as a level really, really, really just put a biiigggg smile on my face.

And of course, EXCO!!! Don't even get me started on how I miss our talks over instant mee, haha!! There's always just this bond there, that I know I can somehow talk to you guys no matter how long we've been apart.

I miss that innocence we had in PL. Not that wide-eyed, I'm an innocent little lamb kind of innocent. More like the absense of competitiveness, and just this growing together from really, completely clueless to much wiser people:) How today we're based on how we developed together, and that's why we all have this common bond between all of us.

And I'm proud to see leaders growing in the Board, not just knowing to lead but to serve too:) I'm so very proud of the PL Prefectorial Board, and being in it has brought to me most of my bittersweet memories of secondary school life. Each of us took away different things from our own journeys, but I think every single on of us has been touched, on way or another, by the whole roller coaster ride.

Being a Prefect, there's always the danger of just carrying out our duties, thinking that perfection comes from reaching the aim of completing the task. We easily forget that success derives from passion as well, and it's hard to pinpoint exactly how to be a prefect filled with passion. Until now, we've always been saying it, but what it means to do so seems so ambiguous. I've figured out though, that the only way of getting what it means is to do everything wholeheartedly. Not loving to tell people to button up, or to pull up their socks, because that would be plainly weird. But, to carry out everything with a sense of pride in who you are, and knowing that you are learning and growing, and appreciating the opportunity to do so. And of course, working and respecting each other because where's the joy in riding a roller coaster alone?

Seed of Fervour- our theme for PLPB'07:D It has always been what we hope to see in the prefects, and it will always be what we hope!!

"For where your treasure is, there you heart will be also." Luke 12:34

That's a verse I'll always remember:)

Let me show you PL Prefects!
What's that you say?
Let me show you PL Prefects!
What's that you say?
ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON
ONE MORE TIME
ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON
Yeah~

Left of left or left right?
P-L!
Left or left of left right?
PREFECTS!
Who do you wanna be a?
PL PREFECT!
Who do you wanna be a?
PL PREFECT!
How far?
ALL THE WAY!
HALF-WAY?
NO WAY!
Any sweat?
NO SWEAT!
Chicken feet?
HAHA! ALL THE WAY!
WHOO~

Sounds alot cooler when we actually do it, aahaha!!

I LOVE YOU PLPB. You're always the best to me:)

Argh, finally, after practically a week, I can blog! My computer's been wrecked with viruses, but somehow I've managed to access blogger today.

First thing's first. LTC. Even until now, one full week since the camp ended, I can't quite explain how I felt during the camp. Many a times, I couldn't distinguish if the times I was close to tears was due to emotional or physical reasons, but I think it was both. One thing's for sure though, I've learnt alot from this camp, and I'm not just saying this just because it's what I'm expected to say. I've been to many camps, but I've not taken away as much as I did during this camp. Before the camp, I wasn't sure if I was prepared for the speedily approaching handing over, and I still wasn't sure what it meant to be a councillor. But now I've got a much clearer view on that:)

I realized how our own thoughts can be very limiting too. Like how I've always thought how I can quite reserved and how I often kept my thoughts to myself is something that is a part of me, a weakness that I wasn't sure if I could overcome. But I think through this camp, I really did try to put away that mentality, and somehow I feel like I'm regaining what I've lost rather than gaining what was never there.

To be honest, I've been chasing an experience I had in PLPB, and for awhile i've been missing it because Council is just entirely different. The people, the way things are carried out, and much more. Now though, I realized each is a different journey and I've learnt alot from being in the Board, and now I really want to grow from taking another entirely different journey. And I really do feel a tighter bond with the 31st. I still remember sitting in the car because I sprained my ankle ( I always do at the worst of times seriously-.-) and despite of the fact that they were the ones walking all the way and I was just there, sitting, the smiles on their faces as they walked past and the cheering just really made my day:) More than just the pumpings, jumping jacks or crunches we cleared, I think the determination and sincerity in motivating each other to hang in there proved the real strength of us as a council.

And I really thank God for the seniors. Really, really. Because outwardly, they were at times harsh, but you could tell that they were really there to help us grow as a 31st. Reading what Pris Khiu and Bo Xin wrote in my LTC booklets honestly kept me pushing myself, and until now when I read what they wrote I smile:) There's just this feeling that they know what I'm going through and that they're there to motivate.And those times when I spoke with some of the 30th, or when they spoke to me, their encouragement and assurances just gave me that much more strength to keep perservering. I know this sounds kind of cheesy, but really, their words kept the camp from being impersonal and super hard.

Until now, I still think about LTC alot:)

And Tiffany, I'm proud of you!! I'm seriously glad you were there, because night talks with you helped:)

And of course, LEAD!! :):):) We started off as not so close I think, but the Sentosa trip really brought us closer. Something in singing Tong Hua and Spongbob Squarepants helps build a bond, haha:) I'm really glad for them, because they're able to smile even after the lowest moments, and they make me smile too:)

And Alynn and I were in the same group again!! Haha, we seriously thought there was no chance that we would be in the same group, because we're PL-Lites and were in the same selection group. But it was a good surprise:)

Okay I think our item was pretty good for such impromptu-ness! Especially Victor and his "Instructor Emerald" part, haha! Until now I ahm-chio when I think about it:)

Overall, LTC is simply one camp none of us will ever forget, I believe.

Although I officially hate eggs. Down with eggs, down with eggs!!!

And until two days ago, I've never been afraid of going to the sin seh. But omg, I still remember how I could go from laughing to cringing within a few seconds. It was ticklish AND painful at the same time!! He kept kneading into the part where my ankle hurt, and kept hitting my heel really, really hard. He was really boxing it, actually. At the end of it all, he was like "bi jiao song le, dui bu dui (feels looser, right?)". Outside I was all smiles and yes, but inside I was surprised my foot had not completely flown off. And my dad wants to bring me back on Friday, nooooo!! Plus I had to drink something that until now I highly suspect was meant to be put on the bandage, because it smelt EXACTLY like my foot, and how does drinking something help your ankle??!!

No more Hong Kong this holiday:( But my parents have taken leave this week so that we can have some family time, which I think is just as good too:)